The Plan

The day I moved in to my family's home in Oswego, I made my first new friend. It rained most of the drive back from my grandparents' house, and I'm pretty sure Grandpa missed the turn to the subdivision and had to double back. But we made it, and although it likely was muggy and sloshy, my parents let me out back to play on my swing set. I mean, it was the entire reason they bought the place. I didn't want to wait another second to climb into the fort or learn to flip on the hanging rings. Caroline was too young to play without mom or dad watching her (she was 2ish at that point), so I had it to myself for the time being.

And then Michael showed up. He was 5, his hair was short, and he squatted down in front of one of my blue swings, poking at the muddy hole beneath it with a stick. He and the boy who used to live there made it. They were best friends, and the boy was going to come back and visit him soon. I didn't give two hoots about this old boy neighbor, but I decided Michael seemed nice enough, so I picked up a stick and poked at the muddy mess with him.

What started out as catching frogs or constructing bridges here or there grew into a daily ritual. Michael would wake up, eat breakfast, and head outside to shoot hoops. (His first two initials were MJ -- Michael Jordan -- or so he led me to believe.) I woke up to the thumping of the basketball against the cement driveway or the occasional clang against the metal rim, and rushed out to join him. And that's pretty much how it went for the next six or seven years.

One day, he and I hatched a long-term, super serious plan. (I call it super serious because I'm fairly certain we pinky swore on it, but I was a liberal pinky swearer, so I could be wrong.) When we grew up, we decided we'd get rich, buy our parents retirement villas in Florida or Arizona, and move into our childhood homes. I'd take my house, Michael would live next door, and we'd boot out the neighbors we didn't like so my sister and his brother could live near us. (Fun fact: Michael also has two younger sisters. One of them did not exist when we made this plan, and the other, if she did exist, was too young to pencil in. My guess is he wasn't too fond of his sister when she was a baby. But he was a kid; could you blame him?) We'd fill in the rest of the houses with our favorite neighbor friends (who, I presume, also got rich), and our kids would be friends with their kids, and we'd all grow old together.

Pretty nice, right?

As an adult, I acknowledge the odds of this plan panning out are slim to none. I can safely say we are not rich yet, and I now live whopping two to four states away, depending which way you drive down. Still, it gives me comfort to think about our pact on the nights when I don't quite know where my life was going, and I hope that Michael at least remembers it, if not laughs about it, from time to time.

I'm replaying that little moment in my mind right now (and I know I'm burying the lead here) because I found out today that my mother sold my childhood home. I'm a little pissed, a little understanding, and incredibly sad. Adult me knows it's a logical move. I live out of state, my sister's in college, and it's a big house for one person and an old golden retriever. So I get it. But I also get that I'm entitled to my emotions, so I'm going to continue being sad for a while and see where that takes me.

And I still see my room circa 1998, lined with teddy bear wallpaper that my sister tore. I can open my closet and look at the shelves piled high with Lisa Frank crafts and multiplayer board games. I know where I kept the tub of Legos and how I organized my books (never by author; always by genre). If I peek around the corner, I can watch Caroline play Barbies or hear the steady clicking of the mouse as my dad channels the pros while playing a virtual PGA tour.

And I blink. And it's gone. And I miss it.

Maybe fulfilling the plan wasn't in the cards for us. We were too young when we pinky promised. Michael never became a basketball star. And I somehow decided the best way to get rich was to start a career in a field that has been, for all intents and purposes, dying for the past eight years. We won't make it back to our little row of houses, but I'm going to hold onto the hope that maybe, one day, our great-great-grandkids will all end up on the same cul-de-sac, poking around in the mud, promising each other that they'll stick around for a while.

How LUSHious: Haul/Review

About three weeks ago, I accidentally entered myself into a contest on Instagram.

Typically, I'm not a fan of social media contests and giveaways. I don't care for them. I don't want to like videos and comment what my favorite color is in the doobly doo, because quite frankly, I don't think the vlogger/blogger/tweeter/instagrammer cares. Cynical, sarcastic Kim firmly believes that giveaways are not so much about "giving back" as they are a way of cultivating likes/followers/traffic/etc. Plus, thousands to millions of people participate in these things, making my odds miniscule, and I'm not a gambling woman.

But then I won.

(I feel like someone's going to call BS on this, so here's the photo to prove it. I have a strange obsession with taking mask selfies. Clearly, I spend far too much time alone.)

Anyway, LUSH Cosmetics decided I was worthy of a $200 gift card, which I didn't believe (but was super excited about) for a solid 24 hours. I bought a bunch of items that I've wanted to try for a while but never felt like investing in, and I spent a whopping $7.50 of my own money to get speedier shipping because surprise! LUSH does not have a storefront in Arkansas. The closest one is nearly 5 hours away. In Dallas. I'm not making that drive.

With all of my goodies in tow, I decided to make myself useful to the online community in the form of a haul/review. So if you're new to the LUSH world or you're like me and enjoy the products you have but are wary of investing in other products (because, you know, money), I hope this helps with your decision making and consumerism. My overall impression of the company is at the bottom, so if you just want to look through ridiculous photos and read that, be my guest. I'm not here to impress.

Things I bought:

1. Mask of Magnaminty (not part of giftcard haul)

I bought this guy when I was in Illinois because I needed him, and I purposely waited to get him. I've used him three or four times since, and as you can see, the relationship is going well.

See? Unnatural obsession with mask selfies.

Pros: Looks like mint chocolate chip ice cream, smells like mint, cools face while sucking crap out of my pores, a little bit goes a long way, cats run away from me when I use it.
Cons: Kale makes for random bumps on my face when I was expecting a smooth application, leaves globs in sink, disagrees with shower drain (but then again, my drain likes to clog once a month, so take that with a grain of salt).

2. Marilyn

I'm pretty sure a sales lady at the LUSH in Illinois upsold me on this, but I am a huge fan of this product. It's a treatment with natural hair brighteners (lemon juice), and it makes my blonde hair pop. I bought a replacement tub with my giftcard; that shows commitment.

Pros: Brightens hair for about five days, washes out easily, does not stain clothes/skin (I'm so messy), smells pretty awesome on my hair.
Cons: For my length of hair (falls an inch above the boob), I only get three uses out of a tub; sniffing it while it's in the tub is a bad idea.

3. Big

My hair is fine and thin, so I try to do whatever I can to keep it from looking like a drowned rat. But I'm also picky when it comes to shampoo, so I thought I'd try this out and see how it goes. I'd have to say that this is my least favorite item in the haul because no matter how much I wash it out, it makes my hair feel elastic and weird afterward. But maybe that's just what volumizing shampoo does? I don't know, but I'm eh about it.

Pros: Smells divine, lathers like a beast, a little bit goes a long way, no crazy hair chemicals.
Cons: Makes my hair squeak, feels like I just waxed a car.

4. Dark Angles

I previously bought LUSH's Ocean Salt face scrub/cleanser, and although it took forever to get to my house, I really enjoyed using it. I think the website was out of the big tub at the time, and Dark Angels' big tub was slightly cheaper, so I decided to go that route. The directions say to take out a small piece and add water until it becomes a paste.

Volcano turd.

Aaaannnnnd it looks like poop. I immediately started laughing and figured that it was going to look awesome on my face.

Nothing like wiping volcano turds on your face for a "natural cleanse."

And it did. But in all seriousness, I like this a lot. Right now, I'm leaning toward the Ocean Salt because it's easier to manipulate on my face, but this guy holds up. And it tickles my funny bone.

Pros: Feels like it works/does something productive to my face right away, smells fine, a little bit goes a long way, easy to rinse, uses volcanoes as an ingredient.
Cons: Looks like dirt, smells like fancy dirt, getting a good paste consistency is harder than it looks.

5. Turkish Delight

I had no idea what to expect from a shower smoothie, but the internet told me it was good, so I figured I would try it out. I was pleasantly surprised. Basically, you just grab a bit of this and use it like you would a bar of soap. But it's not quite soap, and not quite shower gel.

Pros: Smells good, but not as smelly as I thought it was going to be; will get many uses from it; lathers well; doesn't leave dry squeaky feeling that bar soap does.
Cons: I couldn't open the tub in the shower -- turns out you need dry hands. This, however, likely was user error.

6. Popcorn 

Not literally. Geez, guys.

Holy moley, I love this stuff. It's a sugar scrub, and the directions practically tell you to lick this off your lips when you're done with it. And it smells like buttery kettle corn. Mmmmmm. I've used it fiveish times before I took the above photo, and it still looks brand new. I may have this forever.

Pros: That smell though, easy application, instructs me to eat sugar a few times a week, rough but gentle on lips, can see results with consistent use, jar was overfilled with product, a wee bit goes a long way.
Cons: Sugar will leave sticky residue if you lick it off your lips like an animal. But is that really a con?

7. Honey Trap

I like lip balms. It was cheap.

Pros: Smells great, feels great on lips, don't need much for adequate coverage, tin is super cute.
Cons: Not a fan of using my finger to apply lip balm; I always feel like I waste product that way.

8. Bath Melts

Clearly, this was not how these guys are supposed to look. My confirmation email for my order told me I would be sent a tracking link once my package ships. I never was sent that link, so I didn't know it was coming, and my package sat outside in 90-degree weather for god knows how many hours. The bath melts still are useable; I've just chosen to keep them in their packaging to prevent further meltage onto my things.

Pros: They smell great, but I haven't used them yet, and I wasn't in a bath mood during this photoshoot.
Cons: They melted and oozed out onto my stuff. In fairness, that's their one job, but I would've preferred to know they were coming to prevent this tragic fate.

9. Oodles of Bath Bombs, Bubble Bombs...and a soap (two not part of giftcard haul)

Disregard my toilet lid. I am not a professional photographer.

As you can see, I am a big enough fan to get an absurd amount of these guys. I even bought a basket to house them until their joyful demise. Depending on the kind you get, they're a relatively inexpensive addition to a bath, for those of you who are bath people. P.S. They don't melt.

Pros: I have never smelled such wonderful bath things, bath bombs make water a fun color, don't leave gross residue on skin (like other bombs I've tried), inexpensive, huge variety.
Cons: Bath bombs are a little chalky and will leave residue on your fingers/nose, making you look like a coke addict, depending on what you huffed sniffed.

10. Volcano

The title without the subhead is misleading...and alarming.

This, by far, is my favorite product in the haul. I'm actually super disappointed that I didn't get a larger tub, or a vat. First of all, the name says  it all. If I'm going to put volcanoes on any part of my body, it's going to be a good day. Like a pro, I followed the instructions, and here's what happened:

Put goop on foot, check!

I applied volcano goop with the back of a spoon because I was also eating those Oreos, and I didn't want to stop gorging myself to test this product. And why should I? I have two hands for a reason. Also, I was conservative with the goop application because I want to get one more use out of it. If you like foot masks, do yourself a favor and get the big size.

Wrap my feet up like yesterday's leftovers, check!

I didn't think this activity could get any better, but then I was instructed to wrap my feet in plastic wrap so the goop didn't dry. Like a 3-year-old, I found this absolutely fascinating. And a great excuse to put my feet on the table. After letting it sit and a good rinse, my feet felt clean, soft, and awesome. I also got a lot of dead skin and dirt off of my right toe, which apparently is a breeding ground for that stuff.

Pros: Smells so fricken good, uses volcano as an ingredient, felt like it was warming my feet, easy to apply, easy to rinse off, saw and felt results with first application.
Cons: Little tub yields about two uses, which is not enough for me. I'm so bummed.

Overall impression of LUSH (compiled from this haul and past experiences):

Obviously, I support this company and what it stands for, or I wouldn't have mentioned it in my accidental Instagram entry to begin with, nor would I have spent my own money on its products on two separate occasions, once while I was unemployed. The company also is trying to effect change by publicly fighting against animal testing, supporting sharks (yes, the saltwater creature), and donating to grassroots charities. I think that's pretty cool, and I commend companies that try to make the world a better place.

LUSH's products are handmade, and I believe all are at least vegetarian. Some are vegan. I'm neither of those (and I guess technically I'm not handmade), so that doesn't affect me much. But I know a lot of people care about that sort of thing, and it's worth pointing out.

The storefront I went to was small, but the employees were friendly and welcoming. I don't feel like they were hovering, but I did chat one or two women up about different products. Those women were helpful and knowledgeable about the products, so I didn't mind giving them my business. I think the products are adequately priced, and there are a range of sizes from which to choose, so you don't have to invest a ton of money into something you haven't tried before. Plus, I got free samples. I like free samples.

My only issues stem from my online experiences. The first time I ordered online, the package didn't get to me until more than two weeks after I ordered it. One of the products' "use before" dates was literally two days after I received it, and I was kind of pissed. I used the product way after the date mentioned, and it was fine, but it seemed to lose some of its luster as the weeks went by. Still, it lasted quite some time. The second time I ordered, I never received an email with a tracking link, so I had no clue the package was coming. (I honestly thought it was taking a while to process, like last time.) I was pleasantly surprised the order came so early (five days from when I ordered it), but I purposely paid more to have a faster delivery time. My melts melted, and a $200 dollar order was sitting on my stoop for at least four hours. Not cool.

So there it is. Good products. Good company. Good cause. I wouldn't advise against ordering online, but I would be cautious and cognizant of the time it takes to get the delivery as well as the climate in which you live. And although I'm still going to steer clear of social media giveaways for the most part, I won't be upset if I accidentally enter myself into another one.

Happy shopping!