I am not a runner.
I mean, I guess I was as a kid. I enjoyed playing freeze tag, cops and robbers, pigpen, and games of that nature. But even those games had built-in breaks (frozenness, jail, the pen). As I got older, junior high introduced timed and graded runs, and I was the worst. I had no idea how to pace myself. I never hydrated properly. And I. Always. Gasped. For. Breath. In high school, I asked one of my gym teachers how much these graded runs were worth. The minute he told me they were worth only 10 percent of my grade was the minute I stopped caring. And running.
So of course my sister laughed at me when I told her I was going to start running -- Couch to 5K to be exact. Yes, it was the third or fourth time this year I swore I was going to use the app, but it real this time. A work friend wanted to start running and, eventually, 5K-ing with her husband, and I half told her I would do it/half invited myself along for the ride. I couldn't disappoint her; this friendship was too new! How would I survive if I lost one of my only friends in Arkansas? I wouldn't. So I had to run.
Sure you will, my sister scoffed.
Then we told my dad, who, in his infinite wisdom, drove me to the running shoe store, made me do the running shoe test, and bought me neon purple and yellow running shoes. That was it. I was indebted to my father yet again, so now I had to run.
One month later, and I haven't quit yet. I'm starting week four of Couch to 5K (sickness in July caused me to miss a week of running and blogging. Boo), and it's getting intense. I have to jog for five whole, uninterrupted minutes, multiple times, which I honest to god have not done in 10 years. The app also inserts random "jog for 20 minutes" workouts in the weeks ahead, and I
absolutely cannot
wait for those. Guh. Running.
I have, however, learned a great many facts about running and the running community in my short stint as a jog/walker. Some may bewilder you. Some may surprise you. And some may make me look like a noob. As always, you're welcome.
***
Fact: Running costs more than you think
I guess if you wanted to, you could run around in some old apparel, but if you're the average American consumer (me), you need running outfits, running shoes, a place to put your key, an armband for your phone, new headphones because the other ones keep falling out of your ears, new socks that help your feet breathe, an app to tell you when to run and walk, more outfits because it's now 90 degrees and capris won't cut it, more sports bras because you actually sweat and make them smell now, more body wash because you stink, music worth running to, extra food (we'll get to that), all sorts of water, water bottles because the always get lost, and maybe some Gatorade. I'm not even including the cost to participate in 5Ks, a heart monitor if you want one, reflecty lights if you run at night and all the other goofy fancy stuff that I don't have yet, but probably will get eventually. Running is no joke; running is capitalism.
Fact: Hydration is a thing, and it needs to happen
If you aren't well-versed in the summer climate of Arkansas, I can sum it up in one word: Sweltering. Apparently, this summer is mild, but I don't believe it. Not only do I have to wait to run when I come home, I also have to suck down water like a camel all freaking day or else I cramp. Bad. Like someone is stabbing me in the side "Et tu Brute?" bad. So I drink water stuff all day and pee constantly and still huff and puff and feel like death outside. My dad owns what I can only describe as a water utility belt. It is just like a carpenter's belt, but only hold water bottles. He says I need to invest in one. Just add it to my list.
Fact: All roads lead to my big ass hill
I live at the top of a steep hill. When I wasn't running, I didn't care. Now that I run, I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm going to fall on the way down. I hate luring myself into a false sense of security about the finality of a 30-minute jog/walk combo just to see the monster of a cul-de-sac mocking my cool down period. Oh, you wanted to slow your heart rate? Fat chance! I'm a huge butthole of a hill, and years of erosion hasn't made a difference. Suck it, human. And, begrudgingly, I do.
Fact: Music helps
My good friend Nora got into running some time ago, and she loves it. When I visited Illinois last month, she stopped by, and (among other things) told me that having the right music really helped her run. She listened to One Direction over and over again, and it pumped her up. I thought it was awesomely hilarious, so I said I would try it with some album. And here's where I have to thank A Great Big World's debut CD for being my running album of choice. It is so upbeat, so ridiculous, so well-thought-out that I couldn't imagine listening to anything else on shuffle or repeat. So thanks, guys. You rock.
Fact: Support systems make it easier, sometimes
Like I said, I started running the same program with my work friend. She does it, her man does it, and Jason does it (but tells me he hates it all the time). It's nice to run with people. It's nice to run with people who run at your speed. And it's okay to run with people who are a foot taller and have longer femurs and casually jog three houses ahead of you and stop because they can't hear your app anymore. And sometimes you have to run alone because the fast-femured one pisses you off and won't run when you want to run and you just want to listen to your music and not worry about regulating someone else's workout. I love you, honey. Really, I do.
Fact: You get to experience cool nature things
Once, Jason and I were out running and we saw a hawk sitting on a fence no more than 10 feet away. Some sparrow was antagonizing the hawk, and it was hilarious. And if you know me, you know that I am obsessed with birds of prey. So that was cool. Also on that run, Jason and I were jogging back to the house, and he shouted "snake," so I casually trotted around the snake. He was skinny and brown. I wanted to investigate him further, but I didn't. Fast forward to this morning: I was cooling down and saw the severed half of what I believe to be the snake from that run. I investigate the remaining tail portion of the deceased reptile, and there was clearly a rattle attached to the end of it. So now I like to think I avoided certain death by listening to my boyfriend. I'm sure he's proud.
Fact: The route possibilities are endless
Right now, my primary route consists of a little culs-de-sac-filled side street that is relatively flat compared to the rest of my neighborhood. I sprinkle in a few downtown runs here and there, but I mostly just love to fantasize about the day I get brave enough to take on a busier street or the neighborhood next door. Basically, my running life is a real-time version of "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" I just haven't gotten much of anywhere yet. One day I will. You'll see.
