So my mother came to town around Easter to see my new place and the natural state that is Arkansas. (Technically, we met her in Branson, and technically, she fell off of curb while looking at a liquor store and fractured her ankle and passed out and seized on me, but those are just minor details.) Anyway, when she visited, she dropped off a bunch of stuff that is mine/she kept for me/she thought I'd find funny/interesting/wonderful. Also, she brought me games. And we all know how I feel about games.
Nearly a month later (aka today), I began looking through it all. And man, there are some real gems. So gem-like that I MUST devote my next post (I promise not to wait two months to blog again. I think.) to an interesting bag of goodies. An interesting bag that my cats, of course, peed on, but I digress.
This post features some items from my early years. I like them. I think most of them are funny. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. (Note: Not everything is from this trip, but everything was given to me by my mother at some point during this move. I say this mostly to appease Caroline, who spent at least an hour giving me crap and laughing hysterically at some old writings/drawings.)
Without further ado...
1. Baby things!
Aww, look! My little feet! And my wrists were so little! And look at my cute nursery card! But seriously, thank god I don't have any photos of my actual babiness to share. Because I was fugly. I was bruised. I was crying. My mom had a perm and '90s glasses. It was not a pretty sight.
I took my time coming into this world. 17 hours, actually. I was upside down and backward, and the doctors tried everything, including sucking (?) me out. My mother once told me that the doctors were concerned that there would be brain damage, but I turned all right. ...right?
2. '90s Office Posters!
Computers, man. I assume theses were posted somewhere at my father's work. My guess is that my parents never made it to that party because I was about a week and a half early. Apparently my fetus self made a decision and immediately changed her mind; don't worry, nothing's changed in 24 years.
3. My Quiet Book!
I loved this thing as a toddler and young child. I loved playing with those balloons and unzipping the lady bug. What a sweet gift from my grandma. But wait! What's that stitched on the inside cover? Oh, the nicest way of saying "STFU, kid," in the history of the world.
4. Random Ballet Photo!
I apparently appeared in a park district catalog around '93 or so. That's cute. Fun fact: I hated ballet.
5. My...teeth?
Gross, mom. You really kept all of my baby teeth and sent them to me 18ish years later? Why didn't you just mail them to Ke$ha?
6. A Book of Nursery Rhymes!
My favorite page is "This is the Way the Farmer Rides" because I used to sing this to my sister all the freaking time. I sat on the piano bench, and she (likely) crawled into my lap. The "rides" are supposed to get more rigorous until the baby rides, and then all hell brakes loose, culminating with me opening in my legs (not like that) and letting my sister FALL TO HER DEATH. Actually, I caught her. Every time. Because I'm that nice.
7. My pre-Communion Workbook!
For those of you who don't know, second-graders (7- or 8-year-olds) in the Catholic church receive First Communion (Jesus' body and blood, aka a delicious wafer and wine) for the first time. I guess it's considered a milestone; the kids dress up in suits and white dresses, and there's a lot of "growing up" talk. All I remember is the party and the cake -- those were my priorities at 8 years old. (Fun fact: My sister actually freaked out and declined the wine at her First Communion, which was WAY COOLER than mine. Also, she refused to wear my dress because it was ugly. That girl is particular.) The year leading up to that, in religious education class, I filled out this book. Each chapter has a religious theme, but the drawings and fill-in-the-blanks are what makes this book pure gold. I apparently hated my sister then because she rarely appears. And when she does, her 4-year-old self is wearing some serious heels.
8. My Smock!
Isn't this precious? I painted in this thing! Not well, but whatever.
9. This Darling Kindergarten Picture!
And finally, my last year of cuteness. You should see first grade's photo. Actually, don't. I'm not even looking at the camera and I'm wearing what seems to be a clown costume dress. It's a hot mess.
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